11/10/2008
Make a place to sit down.
Sit down. Be quiet.
You must depend upon
affection, reading, knowledge,
skill??"more of each
than you have??"inspiration,
work, growing older, patience,
for patience joins time
to eternity. Any readers
who like your work,
doubt their judgment.
Breathe with unconditional breath
the unconditioned air.
Shun electric wire.
Communicate slowly. Live
a three-dimensioned life;
stay away from screens.
Stay away from anything
that obscures the place it is in.
There are no unsacred places;
there are only sacred places
and desecrated places.
Accept what comes from silence.
Make the best you can of it.
Of the little words that come
out of the silence, like prayers
prayed back to the one who prays,
make a poem that does not disturb
the silence from which it came.
| A Poem |
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11/10/2008, THe Desk at The Mom's Place
Above is a picture of my lovely baby car sitting on the lot. I love my car. A lot. Not many grad students have a Volvo, but I'm one of the privileged few who has the luck of driving a snobby liberal car while listening to MPR on the way to Grad School. I rule.
Snobbycar, as I sometimes call her, has been sick lately. I've had an inkling due to the fact that when I turn too far, her wheels scrape the body of the car and throw everything out of alignment. About two weeks back, she got real sick (yeah, bad grammar, deal with it) and I brought her in. My extended warranty covered the following:
Sway arm
Bushings
Ball joint
Steering Stops
Alignment
In all, it came to about 1500 dollars worth of work. I had to pay 200 because of a technicality and a deductible. In all, not a bad deal.
But one does not simply call a guy when Volvo parts are needed. Oh no. Mr Mechanic called Vovlo in Bigtown, Minnesota, and they didn't have the parts. Nobody in the surrounding states had the parts. Nobody at Volvo Corporate had the parts. So they called Sweden. At this point I overheard Mr Mechanic talking to his other Mechanic worker bees in a panicked voice.
We don't speak Swedish, and he doesn't speak English! I heard. How are we going to order these parts if we don't speak Swedish?
Now pay attention, because this is where it gets good.
Upon hearing of their plight, I snuck into a phone booth* and changed into my Captain Awesome outfit. I stepped out of the phone booth and stood for a moment so they could fully drink it in.
Captain Awesome doesn't speak Swedish, but he speaks Norwegian! They're mutually intelligible! I'll save the day! I cried in a manly voice.
After speaking very slowly to the man on the other end of the phone, I managed to get across what parts we needed. I don't know what sway arms or bushing are, and I sure as hell don't know how to say "Steering Stop" in Norwegian, but with the help of the mechanics I managed to describe the parts to the man on the other end of the phone. After getting all of that straightened out, I asked him very casually (but in a manly way), How does one say "Sway Arm" in Swedish? >
He casually replied Du sier det "Sway arm!" I guess it's good to know that in Sweden, they don't change the names of car parts.
But I digress. After waiting a week for the parts for Snobbycar to show up, they fixed it and I assumed that I would shortly be on my merry way. But when I got to the driver's seat and turned her on (as I am so adept at doing), I thought to myself My, that's a strange loud noise! And my, that's a strange surging sensation! And my oh my that's nowhere near the horsepower I had before! After hearing out Mr Mechanic's end of the tale on why it wasn't their fault that the engine didn't want to work after they did 1500 dollars of work to it. After sitting at home chewing it over and Googling the symptoms, I brought her to Tires Plus to see if she would even make it to the dealer in Bigtown. 160 dollars later, they said yes. Yes she will.
Here's the damage:
One Mass Airflow sensor: 500 dollars.
Two Oxygen sensors: 1050 dollars.
Six Spark Plugs: 192 Dollars
One Timing chain: The guy said Six Bills in his voice mail. I assume bills are hundreds, at least they are on the street. Maybe he meant kilos of coke. I'd pay him 6 kilos of coke to fix my car.
* May be exaggerated. Maybe.
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If you're feeling generous, you could buy me this. Or, if you're feeling not-quite-as-generous, you could buy me this. But the Diana looks like so much fun!
| Just Sayin'.... |
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11/04/2008, The Place
I posted the following on Freecycle today. Let's see what kind of responses I get.
I'm looking for a competent leader to lead my country for the next 4-8 years. Preferably, the leader will be able to recover my retirement, get rid of all this foreign oil, and accept the fact that "nuclear" is pronounced "new-klee-er" and not "nook-you-lur". Spelling skills and extended vocabulary a plus. Cowboy hats are a minus.
Will pick up between Canada and Mexico.
| Update |
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11/04/2008, The Same Desk at the Same Place
By those who ne'er succeed.
To comprehend a nectar
Requires sorest need.
Not one of all the purple Host
Who took the Flag today
Can tell the definition
So clear of Victory
As he defeated ??" dying ??"
On whose forbidden ear
The distant strains of triumph
Burst agonized and clear!
Happy election day, Lightblog.
| A Poem |
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11/03/2008
that life goes on,
or doesn't.
That days are measured out
in tiny increments
as a woman in a kitchen
measures teaspoons
of cinnamon, vanilla,
or half a cup of sugar
into a bowl.
I have learned
that moments are as precious as nutmeg,
and it has occurred to me
that busy interruptions
are like tiny grain moths,
or mice.
They nibble, pee, and poop,
or make their little worms and webs
until you have to throw out the good stuff
with the bad.
It took two deaths
and coming close myself
for me to learn
that there is not an infinite supply
of good things in the pantry.
| A Poem |
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11/02/2008
have gathered at the feet of the trees
lining up in silence
to enter the long corridors
of the roots into which they
pass one by one thinking
that they remember the place
as they feel themselves climbing
away from their only sound
while they are being forgotten
by their bright circumstances
they rise through all of the rings
listening again
afterward as they
listened once and they come
to where the leaves used to live
during their lives but have gone now
and they too take the next step
beyond the reach of meaning
| A Poem |
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10/13/2008, The Desk at The Place
Instead of being aroused by simple things, such as pretty girls or even Viagra, my muse seems to be aroused by to-do lists. It seems whenever I have something pressing to accomplish, my muse needs to say something irrelevant, yet completely and wholly entertaining.
To me, at least.
For those of you who are genuinely interested in what I've been doing the last few weeks, be sure to add my Methods Blog ( http://kabiffftesl.blogspot.com/ ) and my Computer Aided Language Learning Blog (http://teslblogofawesomeness.blogspot.com/) to your feed readers or bookmarks or whatever. I have to update my Methods blog three times per week, and my CALL blog twice per week, so they have been sucking the life out of my Lightblog.
Also, add http://www.gcast.com/u/kabifff/main.xml and http://www.gcast.com/u/kabifff/call.xml to your Podcast players (like Itunes) to hear my thoughts on class, which apparently must ALSO be updated at least once a week.
Now go to them and leave me comments to impress my professor.
| Update |
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10/14/2008 | me (hi att hi dott org)
So you've got to-do lists, and I've got spreadsheets.
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09/28/2008, The Desk at The Place
In honor of the presidential erection, I wrote a song for one of my favorite candidates. It's to the tune of "Mary had a little lamb".
Ready?
Palin is a stupid cunt
stupid cunt
stupid cunt
Palin is a stupid cunt
Plus her kid's a ho.
Fin.
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09/06/2008, The Desk at The Place on High
Weather: Sunny and beautiful
Listening to: The Rat Pack: I'm Gonna Live Till I Die
As many of you get to know me throughout the next few years, you'll become very aware that I have the attention span of a 3-year-old. As much as I would like to have the capability to sit down and accomplish each task on my increasingly large to-do list in an efficient and focused way, alas, I cannot.
I logged in to my Blogger account this morning at 11:00 sharp, promising myself that I would blog until 11:30, then change into my running clothes and run, and then do other homework and get myself to work on time. But then, after several trips to the coffee machine and checking my e-mail, I logged in to my Bloglines account to see what my classmates were blogging about. Just for some inspiration.
It's now 11:23 and I've just started typing.
Class this week and last not only made me ever more aware of my dislike (and inability) of sitting still and focusing on a single task, it also made me ever more aware of an increasingly annoying part of my personality; I don't work well in groups.
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like other people. I do. I'm very loud and I love interacting with people, but I work most efficiently by myself or when I have complete control of the project or task. But one thing was made apparent to me in this past week: I need to get over it.
Group work will never go away. Ever. And if I want to be successful ANYWHERE, doing ANYTHING, I will need to teach myself how to work better in a group.
With all of that said, however, I enjoy group discussion. My group had a very lively discussion about the various articles, and as we moved around and discussed our findings with other groups, we used the gained insight to refine our previous discussions. When Esther asked each group to report on their "Ah-ha!" moments, we all looked at each other, stumped. After some prodding from Esther, however, we all agreed that our "ah-ha!" came not from what was in the articles we discussed, but rather, how we read them. Some of the group members read the articles on the computer screen, and some had printed them and read them on paper. We also discussed the fact that the article assigned to our group was easier to read, not because of the wording, but because of the formatting. While 2 of the articles were written as if they were typed on a typewriter, the one we preferred was written in a magazine, and therefore was formatted as such. It had color, the text was broken into smaller chunks and was therefore easier to process, and the format easily led the reader's eye from start to finish. Using this as our moment, we confidently presented our findings to the rest of the class, who agreed with us!
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07/27/2008, The Chair at The Lake
Last Friday, I was getting out of work. I was in a meeting so I was wearing a suit, which ended up being perfect.
I was waiting at a crosswalk, and this lady wasn't paying attention and walked into the street. She's about 45-50 I guess? The street was pretty empty in both directions except for a bus in the close lane that the lady didn't see. The bus was coming in pretty fast, and I don't know how she missed it, but to her credit there were some bus stops and parked cars and stuff that may have obstructed the view.
Anyways, just as the bus started honking and slamming breaks, I grabbed her and pulled her back. She would have probably made it anyway, but it made a pretty nice dramatic effect.
So this lady was really freaked out by the whole thing. She was sorta stuck in between thanking me, and catching her breath. So (and wtf did this come from I have no idea), I pulled out my PDA and said "This is Commander Navarrette, I saved the subject. The time is 4:39 pm." She had no idea what was happening and kept looking at me all dumb. So I said something to the effect of, "Ma'am I need your signature to affirm that you were here and I stopped you from getting run over by the 4:39 bus."
I didn't know what she thought about the situation, but I decided to press it a bit further. I opened my pda's drawing thing (ooo high tech) and asked her to sign it, which she did.
I thanked her then followed up with "Your grandson is very important," which immediately I realized was really dumb because she didn't look like she was old enough to have grandchildren.
"I don't have a grandson," is all she said. I freaked out for a second, thinking I just made a total ass of myself. But then I said "You will," and gave her sorta a wink/smile.
The crosswalk light was green and I walked off. She stood there A few seconds later she yelled "wait!" but I was already across the street and pretended I didn't hear and kept walking.
I have no idea what she thought of the whole thing, but even the idea of her thinking I was from the future totally made my day.
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07/27/2008 | angela (me att me dott org)
cheater
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07/19/2008, That One Place by that Other Place
I leave tomorrow on my bike trip, and I'm excited and a little bit nervous. I've never gone camping alone before, I always go with my Scouts, so there's always someone banging on my tent screaming "Fergie, wake up!" or something like that. Left to my own devices, I'll stay in bed until 1 in the afternoon.
In the zero hour, irksome "what-ifs" run through my head, not telling me I won't succeed, but more along the lines of "What if they don't take Visa?" "What if you don't get out of bed?" "What if your junk keeps falling asleep on your bike seat and you get gangrene and you don't finish your tour and then they replace it with a robot wang that tries to take over the world?"
And Dr Firehawk wonders why I don't sleep.
I have new road tires that I put on myself, clean rims and brake pads with plenty of brake pad left, a greasy chain, a trued deraileur, and cash for food and power bars. My insurance is paid up, my pills are organized, and my towels are clean. All I need to do is throw my shit in my car and go.
This should be fun.
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07/27/2008 | Angela (sigh att sigh dott com)
Hello. You should update.
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07/12/2008, The Desk at The Place
Hey friends.
As many of you know, I will be doing the Star Tribune Multiple Sclerosis Ride Across Minnesota, starting one week from today. It's been an exciting few months training and fundraising, but it hasn't been without snags in the road.
What started as an adventure shared by several friends will now be an adventure I'm doing alone. Each of my teammates dropped from the tour within 24 hours of each other, leaving me not only to train by myself, but also to fundraise by myself. This week will be a very challenging week, but that's the reason I'm doing it. And I can't do it without your help.
I could go easy on myself and reduce my current fundraising goal of 2000 dollars because of my reduced (or eliminated, rather) team size, but that wouldn't be much of a challenge. I'm keeping my goal where it is, and adding an incentive:
If I can raise 2000 dollars in the next 8 days, I will complete the bike tour in complete silence in honor of those who have fallen victim to MS.
You read that right. I, Chris Ferguson, one of the most obnoxious people you've ever met, will not speak for the whole tour if I can raise 2000 dollars for the MS Society. Think of it like this: You get to pay me to shut up. Most people I know would LOVE the chance to do this, and here it is.
If you can't or don't want to donate, forward this information to your friends or around your office, with a note telling your co-workers how annoying I can be and how they can make the world a better place by shutting me up! Let everybody know!
This is such awesome organization, and this cause is so worthy, I urge you to please consider donating. Many people with MS lose the ability to speak entirely, and this week will be spent honoring them, and all their fellow victims. I won't see a dime of the money that you would donate, it goes straight to them, so again, please consider donating.
The best way to give money is to click here or copy and paste http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/chris.ferguson into your web browser, and click where it says "Donate to Participant!" underneath the red thermometer. I will be accepting donations by mail as well, and if you wish to mail your donation, please e-mail me back asking for my address.
Every day people in Minnesota are diagnosed with this awful, awful disease. Symptoms can range from mild memory loss in mild cases all the way to sporadic paralysis and the complete inability to care for yourself. Treatment is available, but often times patients will forego treatment because of the side affects. There is no cure. That's one of the main reasons I decided to say yes to this event. Anything you give is tax-deductible, and your donation will help fund research for less painful treatment and possibly a cure!
Again, please go to http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/chris.ferguson to donate money to shut me up!
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07/09/2008, The nasty ass chair in The Living room at The Place
An elderly woman came into the ER complaining she had green vines in her "virginny". A pelvic exam verified that she did have a six-inch vine growing out of her vagina, and x-rays revealed it was growing from a potato in her vaginal vault.
She explained that her uterus was falling out, so she put a potato in there to hold it up and had forgotten. (Another uterine prolapse. Remember to do your Kegel's, ladies.)
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07/07/2008, The Desk at The Place
And now I got a haircut and a razor. Go ahead. Tell me I'm hot.
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07/07/2008 | tomato (tomato att tomato dott org)
hot.
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